Love over fifty dating

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Here, experts explain why the baggage you have and patience you lack make things harder. 17 Reasons Dating in Your 50s Is So Challenging, According to Experts. Therapists and relationship coaches explain why dating at middle age comes with its own set of challenges.
 
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Remember when dating was about meeting a potential mate through a friend and getting to know them over dinner and a movie? Well, if you’re dating in your 50s, you know that it can be so much more complicated than that idyllic scene of your younger years. You might be reemerging on the dating scene following a long hiatus, perhaps after being divorced or widowed—only to find that the rules (and technology) of the game have changed. In fact, there are many particular challenges that come with dating as a 50-something. Here, therapists, relationship coaches, couples counselors, and more explain why dating is so much harder at mid-life. Unlike dating in your 20s, you might simply fear that you’re just too old to be in the game in your 50s—and that shakes your confidence to the core. You may feel limited, afraid, and self-conscious because you are aging, but don’t let that stop you from living your life,” says health and wellness coach Lynell Ross . “By the time people get to their 50s, they are usually not just older and wiser, but they are kinder, more forgiving, and more understanding. If you can be open to new possibilities, dating can actually be easier as you get older.” In your 50s, you might feel like you’ve been out of the game for too long to even know how to play. And that insecurity can make you feel like giving up on a new relationship before you even really gave it a chance. “Loss of familiarity or being ‘out of practice’ can lead to poor choices or habits, and consequently, disappointment,” says Carissa Coulston , PhD, a clinical psychologist and relationship writer for The Eternity Rose. “It can be tempting to give up on over-50s dating if you have a disastrous first date. However, ‘disastrous’ first dates do not always mean that there is no potential in a relationship forming. First dates can go poorly for a number of reasons, anxiety is a very common one.” You might have less energy not just for dating in your 50s, but for everything—and that can create additional challenges when it comes to your romantic life. “Getting tired around 10 p.m., or even earlier, makes it harder to meet new people. If you do decide to go to a bar, it is likely that you don’t really know and enjoy the music they play, which makes you uncomfortable already before you meet new people,” says Robert Thomas , licensed sex therapist and co-founder of men’s health site Sextopedia. In your 50s, you might face a lot of negative self-judgements that make it hard to attract the love you deserve. “You could be putting additional burdens on yourself by focusing on all your undesirable personality traits or threading over the emptiness that has grown in you after each and every unsuccessful date,” Thomas says. “If you are one of those people, it’s time to accept the truth and let go of the troubling emotions.” ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. Many singles over 50 are divorced—at least once, if not multiple times over. And that adds layers of complexity when it comes to building new relationships. “Many 50-somethings are divorced and come with an ex and kids. These factors can both complicate future relationships,” explains Gail Saltz , MD, associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine. “They can make being able to be fully engrossed with someone new more challenging. And then there’s the challenge of finding someone who will accept and even participate with your children.” Even if you and your dating partners aren’t divorced or widowed and don’t have children, everyone likely has plenty of relationship experience by the time they hit 50. And whether you call that baggage (a word loaded with negativity) or just plain experience , these past relationships impact the realities of dating later in life. “It’s very tempting to find common ground with a new date by asking about their relationship history. However, bonding over your baggage is never a good way to start a new relationship,” Coulston says. “Stick to neutral ground and discuss other topics such as hobbies instead.” Dating in your 20s was about just plain fun. But dating in your 50s can mean juggling romance with the responsibilities of caring for children, or parents, or maybe even both. Your 50s is “the sandwich time between kids and aging parents,” says Saltz. “Because of this, a new relationship has to endure the high stress of this time period, which can also include moving-up-in-work stress, aging-parents stress, financial burdens, and kid stresses. These all impact the emotional energy left over for a relationship.” When you’re younger, compromise is an ingrained part of daily life as you grow and evolve. But “by your 50s, you have some set patterns of behaving and feeling, some set values, goals, ideas about how your life should go, and it can make you less flexible to accommodating someone else,” Saltz says. “It can make you less willing or interested in compromising for someone else.