age gap relationships older man

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Wondering if age gaps in relationships really matter? Get our best age gap relationship advice &amp, explore whether age differences matter. Age Gaps In Relationships: How Much Is Too Much?
 
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What do Beyoncé, Blake Lively, and Amal Clooney have in common? Besides being wildly famous, successful, and impeccably dressed, they are all also married to men who are at least ten years their senior. While age gaps in relationships may have been a big deal thirty years ago, they are much more socially acceptable now (especially with A-list celebrities). Still, even if you aren’t likely to get as many judgy looks from strangers these days, can relationships with age gaps work? Do Big Age Gaps in Relationships Work? Like many relationship issues, when it comes to whether large age gaps in relationships work, the answer is, “it depends.” One thing that matters in age gap relationships is how much of a gap there is. For example, 5 year age gap relationships are quite different from 20 year age gap relationships. Five year age gap relationships say, “We just missed each other at UCLA” whereas 20 year age gap relationships say, “Were you in class with my mother?” Of course, merely focusing on a number doesn’t take into account the really important factor, People’s personalities and maturity level. Even the biggest age gaps in relationships can work if the individuals involved are well matched. We all know forty-somethings who act like teenagers and teenagers who are as responsible as Mother Teresa. A 40-year-old, unemployed man who still lives with his parents is quite different from a guy who started his own company at age 25, owns his own home, and has traveled the world. No shade to the 40-year-old living at home – we all grow at our own rate. However, that guy might not be compatible with someone who has been living independently since college, regardless of age. So, sometimes, it’s not so much the age difference that makes or breaks a relationship, but rather the MATURITY LEVEL of both partners. So when does age difference in relationships matter? Let’s dig in. Can Big Age Gaps In Relationships Work? So, how much of an age gap is too much? What happens if you are much more mature than your partner? How will things turn out? Here are some pitfalls that might occur if there is too much of a maturity gap in your relationship: You might feel frustrated, like the relationship isn’t going anywhere You might feel like you are always making the decisions You could feel like an emotional garbage disposal – your partner looks to you to solve all of his/her problems You might feel like your partner never takes things (including you and the relationship) seriously You might feel like you don’t have much in common with your partner’s friends and maybe even that they are a bad influence You might feel like you will never get the type of commitment from your partner that you want You might feel like you take on the bulk of the responsibility and planning for your lives You might feel like it’s impossible to have a productive argument with your partner You might feel like you are always taking care of him/her financially You might feel like you are watching a train wreck, as your partner makes the same mistakes over and over again. On the same token, if you are the less mature member in the relationship, things might be tough for you too. For example, you might: Feel like your partner is always telling you what to do Feel like your partner talks down to you Feel like you are being pushed into a serious commitment before you are ready Feel like your partner never wants to just relax and have fun Feel like your partner sees you as a child instead of as a companion Feel like your partner doesn’t trust you to complete tasks but then resents you for not contributing Feel like you and your partner are in different life stages and want different things Feel like you have to rush your timeline for things like marriage and kids to accommodate your partner’s timeline Feel like you are missing out on crucial years of fun and freedom. So, you see, problems can arise from both sides of the fence. Still, I’m not saying that age gap relationships can’t work. What is too much of an age gap for one relationship may not be just right for another. And large age gaps in relationships can be successful, as long as both partners are willing to put in the work. Age Gap Relationships Advice – How to Handle Age Difference in Relationships. Here are some tips to help make your age gap relationship run as smoothly as a summer’s breeze, whether you’re facing a 5 year age gap or a 20 year age gap. Relationship Age Gap Rule: Recognize Your Partner’s Worldview. In couples therapy, one of the things I help couples with in sessions is recognizing that each person has a completely unique view of the world that is largely colored by experience, culture, and upbringing. However, this worldview can be very different when there are age gaps in relationships, particularly with an age difference between each partner of a decade or more. The societal culture one experienced growing up in the 80’s, for example, is completely different from the societal culture of someone who grew up in the 2000’s. Someone born after the year 2000 probably won’t get many 80’s movies references, or know the hardship of having to find a book in the library to research a project rather than Googling it. By the same token, someone born in the 80’s might have a hard time understanding what Snapchat is and why people use it. Instead of coming down hard on your partner for what he or she doesn’t know, treat your different worlds like an exotic adventure. Have fun introducing your boo to new things (like the word boo!). Recognize and honor your generational differences and take time to understand how each of you views the world. Communication Gap In Relationship: Communicate As Equals. Nothing ruins a relationship like a power gap (these can be far more detrimental than age gaps in relationships). Just because there is an age difference between you doesn’t mean that one of you should have all the power or have the responsibility of making all of the decisions. Communicate with your partner as an equal. Don’t talk down, or up, to him or her. Believe it or not, age does not make one of you better or wiser than the other. It’s life experience that brings wisdom and that is not always gained with age. Someone of 23 who has traveled the world can have way more life experience and wisdom than a 45 year old who has never left their home state. Read: Physical age does not equal spiritual age.

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